I went to a wedding dinner last night. Saw my cousin, Joy(Choo, not Loh) for the first time in a few years. When i saw her i was like... WOOAAHH!!!! She was CUTE with a Capital C!!!! Her face, though it looked more or less similar to the last time i saw her, looked much cuter. She had a cuter hair style, and was wearing a VERY nice dress. I never knew my cousin was this cute. Song bo.

Ok... its the end of the year, and time for us to look back at 2003 and see what we can learn from it.

Britney Spears
- Are you a young female popstar, who's life is a mess after a breakup with your boyfriend, your last album flopped, can't seem to sing for nuts, and people just don't like you anymore? Well, here's the solution for you! Pose half naked with nothing but jewelry and panties, then kiss a old female popstar whose music career is also dying. After that, release your album full of dance tracks, with a song with the same aging popstar you kissed. A surefire way to get back into the limelight, and sell albums.

Christina Aguilera
- Are you a young female popstar, whose albums are selling well and have a great voice? Want to lose the respect of most of your fans? Well, just dye your hair in stupid colours, have stupid hairstyles and wear extremely slutty, skimpy outfits when you go on stage to sing or to award ceremonys. That way, the press can have a field day talking crap about you. Of course its safe, because of your powerful voice, people will still buy your albums.

Iraq War
- Do you have an enemy that hate to the core who tries to kill you at times? If you're the most powerful country in the world, you don't even need a valid reason to attack that country. Just make up some strange excuse about that country having something like weapons of mass destruction(which the country wishes it has, but does not have), convince all your allies to back you up(by offering countries which are small red dots Free Trade Agreements), and make sure you have another superpower backing you, whose Prime Minister *cough*Blair*cough* is willing to jump off the bridge should you feel like it. UN don't like it? Don't matter. Justice is all that matters.

Andrea & Pierre, Liver Transplant
- Want to know how you can gain the sympathy of the press if you're a celebrity? If you happen to need a liver transplant, hope that your boyfriend(if you're male, then girlfriend), can pass part of his to you. Then do an extremely high profile transplant, with plenty of crying. Everyone(including me) will sympathize with you, and love the both you and your spouse equally much.

Andrea & Pierre, Court Case
- Now that you have gained the sympathy and love of the general public, want to know how to lose all that respect, sympathy and love in a month? Easy. Just sue your very good friend, whom you were very close to in the past, for selling you the slimming pills which you yourself asked for a few months back. During a high profile court case, keep fainting(real faints. fake ones don't cut it. makes it easier if you have a new liver). Have various popular celebrities, like Chew Chor Meng, defend the very good friend you are suing. After that, lose that court case to the very good friend. You are guarenteed to lose the respect, love and sympathy of many of your fans.

Sars Arrival
- Ahh.. a new disease is in town. What is the best way to show that Singaporeans are among the most kiasu(cannot lose) and kiasi(scared to die) people in the world? Easy. Just publically shun all the health workers that are risking their lives to save yours. Don't pick them up in taxis. Threaten them. Give them dirty looks. Curse them for comming near you. Buy up all the masks possible. Before long, the newspapers will show us as one of the most inconsiderate, ungrateful people around.

Sars Aftermath
- Now that the disease has been brought under control, what is another way to show how stupid and inconsiderate we are? Sneak into hospitals using recycling temperature stickers(sigh. who wants to waste 5 seconds taking your temperature?) Scream at doctors, nurses and receptionists when they refuse to let a whole bunch of you and your into the hospital because of the risk of Sars. Make a big fuss about privacy when you have to give your particulars for contact tracing. Easy to be inconsiderate.

Shankar Aiya Molest Case
- Are you a respected News presenter? What's a good way to lose that respect, and a ton of money? Just bring a girl home, strip her naked while she's drunk, then when she accuses you of molest, just lie about everything in court. You'll definitely lose everything. Better still, have The Morning Express guys Glenn and Rod do a song for you :

Lyrics for Hot In Here by Nelly

Rod : So you at the party. What were you doing there?

I was like, good gracious ass bodacious
Flirtatcious, tryin to show patience
Lookin for the right time to shoot my steam (you know)
Lookin for the right time to flash them keys

Rod : You were about to leave the party. What did you say to her?

Then um I'm leavin, please believin
Me and the rest of my heathens
Check it, got it locked at the top of the four seasons
Penthouse, roof top, birds I feedin

Rod : It was said that you were intoxcicated. What did you say to her on the taxi ride home?

No deceivin, nothin up my sleeve, no teasin
I need you to get up up on the dance floor
Give that man what he askin for
Cuz I feel like bustin loose and I feel like touchin you
And cant nobody stop the juice so baby tell me whats the use

Rod : So you have reached home. What did she say?

Its getting hot in here
So Hot

Rod : So what did you say?

So take off all your clothes

Rod : And what happened?

I am getting so hot i'm gonna take my clothes off

Rod : Order! Order in the court!

*Disclaimer : Shakar Aiya being guilty is because of the judge's decision, not mine. i'm just taking it as the judge is correct.

Pastor/Reverend/Music Director/Singer/Actress Ho Yeow Sun
- Are you a popular, high ranking church goer, who's the wife of a pastor, and want to know how you can anger/irritate the many Christians in Singapore(and some in your church)? Just wear a revealing, red dress to some premiere of some weird show, and you'll have angry letters running into the Straits Times in no time at all. Guarenteed.

Singapore Soccer Team
- The Singapore Soccer team has just lost once again to a country nobody knows. People have been writing in to the Newspapers that we should send our soccer team overseas, or at least invite quality opposition to come and play them, like our neighbors Malaysia and Thailand. Only then can we improve, and maybe even win the Tiger Cup. What is a sure way for the Football Association of Singapore to make the people more disappointed and angry? Just arrange for more crappy teams from countries no one has heard off, much less able to put on the map(the only reason many people knew the Maldives was because Survivor was held there). Then talk a whole bunch of crap on how the national soccer team needs to play more quality opposition(which EVERYONE has been saying for ages) when you get kicked out of the qualifying rounds of the Sea Games and Asian Cup.

S-League, Penalties
- People have complained the the S-League is too boring. It needs spicing up. How, as the management of the S-League, can you lose even more respect of the fans and the people? Implement penalty shoot-outs to decide matches. When EVERYONE, the man on the street to the players to the fans to the coaches say its a bad idea because when it was implemented anywhere else, it failed, accuse people of not giving it a chance. When the season goes by, and the S-League gets even more boring because of this, admit that its a bad idea. But don't say sorry for not listening to the people. Just give a long, detailed explanation on why it didn't work(using all the reasons that EVERYONE gave at the beginning of the season).

Gigli, Bennifer
- Are you a popular actress or actor, who have many, many fans around the world. How do you dissapoint them? Make the WORST movie, which everyone said was a bad idea in the first place, with your boyfriend/girlfriend release it around the world and make huge losses.

Rio Ferdinand
- Do you happen to be a millionaire footballer who broke the world transfer record for a defender? Would you like to have your trial go on for 3 months then get banned for 8 months and get the sympathy of a lot of Man U fans? Just forget to take a drugs test and go shopping for your new house. Easy.

Steve Chia
- Are you a Non-constituency MP, and looking to step down and lose the hard earned trust of your people? Take half naked photos of yourself and your maid, then somehow forgot to delete them from your computer. I guarentee you that you will step down within a week.

PM Goh, Lee Hsien Long Slapping Incident
- Lets say you become the Prime Minister of Singapore, and you want to test how stupid your citizens can be. Just tell a joke, which happens to be a rumour, like the son of Lee Kwan Yew slapping your foreign minister, during a national day speech. Then, say how creative your citizens are in comming up with that story. If your citizens happen to be smart, they will know that you are in fact joking because you said that your citizens were creative to come up with that story. However, your citizens may be stupid, and thinking that you are in fact confirming that story, thus making a whole controversy in the press about Lee Hsien Long's methods, cos he may become the next prime minister.

phew, that's a long list of stuff. very long list. i can't believe i wrote all that. if i think of even more important news that happened in 2003, i'll post it here. if you think of some, just tell me.